Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
