nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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