She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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