you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
