Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
