six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
