smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
