what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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