I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize