u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
