No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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