Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Randomize
