You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
