My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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