I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
