Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
