So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
