The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize