if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
