operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
