I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
