I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
