Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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