You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need to get me chipped asap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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