She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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