You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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