dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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