In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize