I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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