i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
