You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
