My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
