I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
