Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
