ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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