Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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