what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
