Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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