low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
