you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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