How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
