Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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