I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
