It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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