woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
