Betty ford says i'm here all night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
