I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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