Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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