We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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