I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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