anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
