At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
