Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
