Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
