I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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