I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
