yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
