my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
