I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
