So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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