Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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