I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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