I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
