it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize