what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
