your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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